My heart has never broken like this. All I can think is “this isn’t possible”.
In the English language there are words for spouses who have lost their significant other, there is a word for children who have lost their parents. However, there is no word at for a parent who lost their child.
And that is because it just shouldn’t happen.
I am so sorry my friend. I’m sorry for your loss, I’m sorry I am not there, I am sorry I fucked up our relationship. I am without words to describe this unimaginable pain.
I do, however, love you so deeply.
Tomorrow, don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t look the other way. Face me. Deal with your loss. I did. It’s not my burden to Have anymore.
Don’t ever ask me for anything ever, ever again.